I haven't used this blog in forever. But this story is long so I'll write it here.

DISCLAIMER: I spend zero time editing. What you see is akin to what you see on twitter. Words come out. It's not polished, and that's intentional. So, let's go...

I don't have a current ID (I need to get it replaced, I'm lazy), so that means additional screening with TSA. I don't bitch about this because it's just their policy. But it means I had to get to the airport extra early. I was also not flying out of LAX because I figured it was a zoo. So I'm at a smaller Southern CA airport.

And my flight was delayed by MANY HOURS.

There is one bar, which I head for immediately. They have beer and a highly limited selection beyond 'BEER ON TAP'. No midori. I settle for Jack and Coke and tell them to make it a double.

I am denied because my ID isn't current. They're also super apologetic and cringe expecting me to go nuts. I don't, it's not their fault. I want to get up and leave but of course I just order a diet Coke to show everything is fine.

I get Diet Pepsi. I hate Diet Pepsi.

So now I'm people watching while trying to finish this gross diet Pepsi so I can bail without seeming like an asshole.

I've been around the block a few times. I know bars. I know people. I have to be a good judge of people and the safety of situations.

I immediately notice Drunk Guy at the Bar. He's had three too many, but that's not really the problem.

He's a faux biker. 10 years past middle age, shaved head. He's wearing a fake biker vest that has some 2nd Amendment bullshit on the back. His wallet has a chain. His hands are soft and uncalloused. This is a man in a costume. A man desperate to project a specific image of a tough man. I'm watching him because he's drunk and people in costumes like that can become dangerous if they feel they have to protect their persona. A real 'tough guy biker' know he's a tough guy biker and has nothing to prove to others...or himself.

Bartender cuts him off. She's an old woman, at least late 60s. This is NOT her first rodeo and she handles it with perfect professionalism. A little humor, but steel under it.

I like her.

Tough guy gets loud. The guy who wouldn't let me order is nervous. He's young, and this scares him. THAT is dangerous, it presents a weakness for him to attack, so the Bar Mistress sends him off to serve drinks and hide in the back when he's not. She's got this. She eyeballs me and I give her a small nod. She then positions herself at my table, watching the bar.

Drunk Guy gets loud. He goes on a rant about Obama...but can't seem to get his name out without severe slurring. So he becomes 'you know, that BLACK GUY, you know who I mean'.

A kid at one of the tables starts egging him on. Two tables cash out and bail. The kid is probably 21, maybe 22. He's there with his mom.

THIS worries me. You can't 'play' with drunk strangers unless you know what the fuck you're doing. And this kid doesn't. At first it just seems like he's egging him on, mollifying him...but with a not so subtle snobby undertone to his voice.

I then realize, he's not mollifying.

The entire section of my bar becomes surreal. Obama is coming for our guns. BLM is ruining this country. My hand is on my phone, seriously considering filming it all and uploading it. I make the wrong decision to not film (It was early in to the bullshit and I thought to myself; he's drunk perhaps that would be unfair to expose him to the world in what I shit you not would've been a viral video. I should've done it. But I didn't)

Drunk Guy is just spewing, there's not much thought into what he's saying. He just wants another drink, and wants everyone to know he's a very Tough Guy.

The kid starts talking the nonsense that kids do, ignorant 'know it all' bullshit but racist and classist as fuck. HIS MOTHER IS NODDING ALONG.

They're from Idaho. They mention it loudly multiple times.

Drunk faux Tough Guy lives near Ferguson.

A guy in the corner mentions Obama isn't coming for our guns. Tough guy and Stupid Kid both get loud and obnoxious. He quickly adds how terrible Obama is and BLM. He's also not mollifying. He believes this.

I take a breath. I'm going to wade in. IDGAF. I'm in the worst place in the bar (only way out is thru the drunk).

Bar Mistress looks at me. The unspoken convo is 'You know better. DON'T.' She puts her hand on my table. I let my breath out.

I know better than to argue with drunks. I really do. There's no point or profit in it, you can't 'reason' with a drunk. It's EVERYONE ELSE I AM FUCKING FURIOUS AT AND WANT TO SCREAM AT.

And if I do, security is going to show up. I'm going to be the one escalating this bullshit. In an airport.

I walk out leaving my shitty coke. Bar Mistress whispers thanks and apologies. I shrug.

It's not a great story. It's just shit that happened in the airport. I also believe that silence equals assent, when people SAY this stupid shit and it's unchallenged then they think it's okay. It's not okay.

There weren't any 'right' choices for me there. I know why I chose what I did, but I still don't like it.

It's also sickening to me how common this shit is. Sure we can say faux drunk guy was just clearly a racist asshat with his 2nd amendment vest. Oh and he talked about how he's ALWAYS packing and felt naked that he couldn't be PACKING HIS GUN because airport. We all get that the gun is the representation of his manhood and that he's so fucking scared in life that without it he feels powerless.

But everyone else? The kid and his mom from Idaho. The two guys nodding along speaking almost literal 'Amens' to this drunken racist garbage. And this wasn't some shitkicker bar, this was in a Southern California airport where half the bar is drinking a glass of white wine.

There's always excuses for not doing the right thing, not confronting wrongs we see. The most common excuse is discomfort. I'm not looking for anyone to absolve my inaction with 'well you have to be safe'. Only I am responsible for my choices, and ultimately I'm responsible to myself and my conscience.

And I know I did the 'smart' thing in not escalating what could've become a violent situation. In not aggravating a drunk. But I don't like it. And I'll be revisiting it in my head for a few days parsing out what I perhaps could've done better.

There were also many people of color in that airport. I saw more than a few black people in that airport. There were maybe a dozen black people on my flight...at least.

Everyone in that bar was white.

Everyone in that bar was white and with a bit of liquid courage, that's what the conversation in the bar was.

HALF that bar was in agreement. A quarter just wanted their booze and was tuning it out. And maybe the rest like me just were silent because...it was easier. It was inaction without consequence.